Tales from the Borderlands past and preasent
by Black'nBlue28
Summary: A collection of drabbles focusing on the new and old vault hunters. Rated for later references and language.
1. Claptraps Birthday

So...it's been a while huh? To be fair, a lot of crap happened over the last couple of months and I was either tapped for ideas or just not in the mood to write. However, with the season finale dlc coming out, I decided to not only reboot this bad boy, but add three chapters over the next couple of days to boot! Plus the first two chapters are getting a major overhaul. Am I crazy to do this all now? Nipple Salads!

With that out of the way, onto the main attraction!

* * *

As the six vault hunters looked around, it was obvious that they were the only attendies of Clap Traps birthday party.

"This is kinda sad amigos." Salvador whispered to his friends as Clap Trap and Krieg danced to the music on the radio.

"Yeah, but what can we do? He's not exactly the most, 'tolerable' company to keep." Maya said, chewing on the ice cold pizza.

"A party of five, a really sad affair but, what can we all do?" Zero asked, keeping to his Haiku speech patterns.

"Hmm...I think I got an idea. Huddle people" Gaige said as the group discussed their plan of action.

"Hehe, that's bueno. Muy bueno." Salvador chuckled as they broke to commence the plan.

-BL2-

A minute later, Clap Trap sighed and turned off the radio. "Okay, parties over. Thanks for sticking around guys but...where'd Sal, Axton and Krieg go?" he asked Maya and Zero, who were the only two standing.

"They went to get you a birthday surprise. We honestly felt bad about you not having anyone come to your party." Maya explained, smiling earnestly.

"Really!? That's great! I mean, you didn't have to, six people are the most to ever come to one of my parties. Usually it's just me, one time I hung out with Zed in Fire Stone, but he said if I bothered him like that again he'd toss me to the Skags."

Zero held up his hand and a good sized rock from near by. "Still you are our friend, so you deserve a present, happy birthday dude." he said, putting the rock down and with a few swipes of his katana, made a miniature Clap Trap.

"Wow! Thanks Zero! That was deadly and thoughtful!" Clap Trap beamed as he put the statuette on a shelf with his other knickknacks.

"Well, I got something for you too, chico." Sal said, walking over with a paint gun.

"Really? Whats that?" Clap Trap asked eagerly.

"Well, every birthday, my brothers and I would go out and get me a tattoo. So I thought it'd be nice if you got one too. Pick a pattern." Sal said, holding out a couple of different decals Scooter used on his cars.

"Really? Awesome! Uh...that one!" the robot said eagerly, pointing to a design.

"Nice choice hombre." Sal said, putting the pad on Clap Traps back.

"Oh yeah! I'm gonna get some ink done! The ladies will be all over me!" Clap Trap cheered, bouncing up and down.

"Well, paint but neither here or there. Now hold still!" he said, forcing the robot back onto the ground. After a minute, he pulled the gun back to reveal a vault symbol on Clap Trap.

"Sweeet, now everyone's gonna know not to mess with tattooed bad ass Clap Trap!" Clap Trap said, striking karate poses.

"Or that he won't mind if they paint stuff on him" Maya whispered, getting a snicker out of Salvador.

"Honey, I'm home!" A booming voice shouts. The four turn to see Krieg carrying a dead skag by the throat.

"Oh! A dead Skag! You shouldn't have...no seriously, those things smell like hot garbage." Claptrap said eyeing the carcass.

"Ah but remember little Susan, it's what's on the inside that counts!" the psycho said, taking his other hand and grabbing the corpse by the tail, he stretched it, causing a spray of bile, followed by a pearl.

"Oh! Nice one!" Clap Trap said, placing the pearl near the statue. "Thanks Krieg!"

'_Now, like we practiced. Say, your welcome._' Kriegs sanity coached, hoping he wouldn't yell about bodily excretions or meat.

"I hear with my my eyeballs!" Krieg shouted happily.

Maya giggled and Sal shook his head.

'_Close enough. Least it wasn't poop train._' the voice sighed.

"Aaannnddd...done! Here dude!" Gaige said, sticking a microchip into Claptrap

"What was huh?" Claptrap asked before hearing the booming beats of dubstep coming from his back up speakers "Oh! I can play music! Now I can stop making music for these unappreciative jack-holes!" he cheered.

"The ears of Sanctuary owe you big time." Maya whispered to the teenage savant, who grinned in response.

"Sorry I'm late little guy, but those Bonerfarts can be mean suckers." Axton said, coming up to the group with a large wad of Bullymong fur in his hands

"How long are you gonna keep calling them that? Hammerlock said he changed it back." Maya said shortly over a giggling Salvador and Gaige.

"Till it stops being funny." Axton replied, giving the fur to Clap Trap the fur.

"Thanks Axton. Haha!" he said, putting it on top of his 'head' making it look like he was sporting a Mohawk. "Yeah, fur Mohawk for the win! How do I look minions?"

The group were to busy trying not to laugh to answer. Finally, Maya collected herself enough to say "Um, awesome. Now, my present might not be much, but I think the birthday boy deserves a birthday kiss." she said, leaning down and pecking Clap Trap on the cheek (near his eyeball).

"Wow! If I had reproductive organs, my ovaries would be totally erect right now. That's what it's called right? Ovaries?"

The giggling trio were now doubled over with laughter, while Maya just blushed and sighed "I'll tell you next birthday okay?"

Clap Trap shrugged "What ever. You know what? For showing me such kindness, I've decided to reward you all!"

Salvador cocked an eyebrow. "Oh? And what's that? Guns? Money? Shields? Please say it's the first one!" he beamed, hoping to get his hands on a new piece of weaponry.

"Didn't you just get a new gun from Marcus?" Maya asked curiously

"Yeah, but I already shot someone in the face with it!" Salvador whined, causing Zero to shake his head.

Clap Trap was oblivious to their conversation, and stood in front of his house proudly "Nope! Well, maybe guns, but for the most part you are now promoted from minions to to minions first class! This means you'll be assigned new and exciting missions and I wont fire you by shooting you all in the face!"

Axton opened his mouth but decided to save it and just say thanks, while the rest just took their weapons and left.

On the way back, the six looked at one another

"So, I think I'm gonna head to Moxie's and tie one on, anybody care to join me?" Axton asked, popping his neck to Maya's annoyance.

"You know me bro. Guns, booze and babes are what I live for." Salvador said, exchanging a fist bump with Axton.

"I'll go with you two to make sure nothing fun happens without me." Gaige said with a grin.

"While you two get drunk, I'll be honing my skills, so I am ready." Zero said simply, turning towards the fast travel hub.

Maya nods "I'll take Krieg home, in case he tries to 'kill' another vending machine."

"White whale! Holy grail!" Krieg shouted at the sky.

"What ever dude, see you guys back at the safe house." Axton said with a chuckle as he, Gaige and Salvador went to Moxie's bar.

As Maya and Krieg walked out of earshot, Maya smirked and whispered "You back in control?"

Krieg paused for a moment and sighed "Yeah. Sorry, He gets worked up in combat, almost impossible to fight him back."

Maya smiled "Well, I'm glad to know there's a sane man under that cute psycho."

Kreig chuckled "I don't know about cute, but thanks."

Maya smiled "Well, let's take our walk then. You owe me a date after the other guy attracted that pack of Bullymongs." she said. giving him a peck on his vent.

Krieg nods "Sure thing Maya." following the siren out into the wastes.

* * *

And that was the first chapter. Did you like it? Hate it? Think it was meh? Let me know in a review!


	2. Late nights with Axton

After defeating Jack and the Warrior, each of the vault hunters had gotten their own personal homes in Sanctuary.

Late one night, Sal was quickly running through the streets naked at two in the morning, going up to a door and knocking quickly.

Zero opened the door, still decked out in his assassins attire, causing Salvador to wonder if he ever took it off before speaking.

"Zero! Muchacho! Mind if I come in for a bit?"

Zero stared at him for a couple of seconds and just shut the door.

"Feh, probably couldn't think of a dorky poem to say no." he muttered. Zeros sword pierced the door, causing Salvadore to to flee to Maya's down the street.

"Maya! You home? I need to come in!" the dwarf called out, pounding on the door.

Maya opened it and Salvadore blinked as she was only in her tank top and black lacey panties "Sorry Sal, but what ever's going on, this is not a good time."

"Why not? I need Sanctuary!" Sal whined.

"Honey? Who's that at the door?"

Sal's jaw dropped as Krieg walked into veiw, just as naked as he was. "Midget buddy! Nice of you to drop by, but we're wearing the same thing. One of us needs to change!" the psycho said, taking a beet red Maya by the waste. Sal just reached in and shut the door, backing up slowly before running to Axtons.

-BL2-

Axtons house was unsurprisingly the closest to Moxxie's. Sal knocked on his door feverishly till the ex-commando opened it.

"What is it!? Oh, hey Salvador. Uh, where are your clothes?" he asked, finding a very nude Salvador on his door step.

"Funny story, can I come in?" The dwarf asked trying to make his way inside.

"Why?" Axton asked standing firm.

The shorter man stared at the commando "I'm naked."

"That's a reason to keep you out." Axton sneered.

"Oh come on! We're friends, aren't we?" Sal begged, looking around nervously.

"Well yeah, but" Axton started.

"Great! I'll be somewhere inside if you need me. Oh, and I was never here." Slavadore said, shoving past Axton.

Axton opened his mouth to speak, but just raised his hands in defeat and shut the door.

Sal sighed "Thanks amigo. I tried the others, but they either wouldn't help or..." he just shivered at the thought of naked Krieg.

Aton sighed "Well as long as you stay down here you should be fine." he said as another knock was heard at the door.

Sal ducked for cover and Axton yanked the door open "Now what!?"

Scooter hmphed "Well good even' to yall too."

Axton sighed "Hey Scooter. Sorry, it's been a long night."

Scooter nods "I hear that. Hey, you seen Salvador around? He kinda dissappeared before I could kill him n' such."

Axton yawned "Well actually I - wait. Why do you want to kill Salvador? He blow-up another runner?"

Scooter shook his head "Nah, not this time. I caught him 'n mah sister in a most unflattering position if you understand my meaning."

Axton shook his head "No, I honestly dooooooooooooooooh my god!" he screamed as his brain put the pieces together. "How is that possible!?"

Scooter nods "I know! I thought Elle had standerds n' shit. Now she's bangin' some guy half her height."

Axton shook his head "No I mean HOW is it possible? All I can immagine is a skag humping a beanbag chair and it's not pretty."

Scooter cringed "Now why'd you go and put that immage in my head?"

Axton sighed "Look Scooter, I know it's not my place to say, but your sister could do worse. Sal's a good guy who saved my ass more times than I can count. You know, looking back, he and Elle do flirt alot when we're out in the Dust."

Scooter groaned "But!"

Axton put a hand on his shoulder "Listen, belive it or not, Sal's always been a gentleman, cares about those close to him and would never do her any harm, okay?"

Scooter looked at the ground "Well, I guess she could have gotten sweet on a Zafford, or one of those rat midgets like Laney. You know what, I think I'm gonna head home. Night Axton." the mechanic said, walking off towards his garage "Oh, and tell Salvador I expect to see him tomorrow for the poker game, I need somebody to loose."

Axton smiled "I will, night Scooter."

As the mechanic left, Axton turned inside "Coast is clear Sal!"

To his surprise, a teary eyed Salvadore walked up to Axton "*Sniff* Thanks amigo. What you said back there, I want you to know you're one of my best friends. I LOVE YOU MAN!" he wailed, going in for a hug.

Axton put a palm to the ex-luchadores forehead "And your my best friend to, but the last thing I'm gonna be doing tonight is hugging a naked dwarf."

Salvador looked down and blushed "Oh, right. So um, yeah, I'll just get going then." He said, walkingout towards his respective home.

Axton nods "Good idea. Oh! One last thing!"

Sal turned "Que?"

"Where the hell where you two screwing that Scooter caught you?"

Salvador grinned "The back of his garage. Elle said it was pay back for some pictures he took before she left..."

Axton waved his hands through the air "Okay! I get it! Jeese!" The man moaned before shutting the door one last time.

He sighed and Gaige poked her head from the top of the stairs "Err, can you come back to bed yet?"

Axton sighed "Yeah. Jeese, is everyone trying to get laid tonight?"

* * *

Bet you didn't see that one coming. How did Axton (Who's 23 in my head cannon, gotta dull the creep factor some how.) end up with Gaige?

Next time boys and girls ;)

As always, reviews keep me happy.


	3. So Gaige and Axton walk into a bar

Author's note: I'm back! Check out the first chapter to see what's going on.

Okay, this chapter...deals with a May-December romance I set up in the last chapter. Honestly, I think it's fine, but if this kinda thing squicks you out, leave now or forever loose your marbles.

* * *

"Please Maya! I'm old enough in three different sectors! I gotta be old enough here!" Gaige pleaded with a stern looking Maya.

The siren sighed and turned to the guzerker "Sal, what's the legal drinking age on pandora?" she asked.

The six had just rescued Roland from the Bloodshots (and subsequently Hyperion) and went to Moxxies to celebrate.

"Believe it or not, it's fifteen." Sal said matter of factly, taking a sip of ale.

"Seriously!? Moxxie, is he lying?" Maya asked Moxxie who was busy cleaning a glass.

"Sure is sugar. We don't even technically have a legal age limit in place, but fifteens the rule of thumb. There's even a joke about it, 'Pandora: There are worse excuses to drink'."

Maya sighed and held up her hands "Fine! What ever. Just make sure to take it easy okay kid?"

Gaige grinned "Sure thing! Now, what's in a 'liver melter'?"

Maya face palmed "This is gonna end poorly."

-BL2-

After an hour of drinking, Gaige and Claptrap were up on a table dancing to the music on the radio.

"See Maya? Gaige is fine!" Axton reassured her, causing the siren to sigh.

"I guess. But I Still think she needs someone to keep an eye on her."

"THAR SHE BLOWS! THE WHITE WHALE!"

As soon as they heard this, Maya groaned "And Kriegs probably slamming his buzz-axe into something. Axton, would you please keep an eye on Gaige while I'm out?"

Axton salutes as Maya left, and rolled his eyes.

"Pff, how much trouble can the kid be?"

-BL2-

As Axton fished his fourth slice of pizza he turned around "Gaige! YOu want this last slice? Uhh, where'd she go?" he asked, noticing she wasn't playing darts anymore.

Suddenly, the music on the speakers became deafening as the soft rock and roll turned into harsh dubstep.

"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED!?" Axton screamed, covering his ears.

Moxxi covered hers as well "NO CLUE! CHECK THE STEREO!" She shouted back.

Axton went to the stero to find Gaige head banging enthusiastically.

"GAIGE! STOP THIS CRAZY THING!" Axton screamed over the music.

"I CAN'T HEAR YOU! THE MUSICS TOO LOUD!" Gaige giggled.

Axton sighed and pulled out his revolver, firing into the stereo and silencing the music.

"Aww! But it was just about to get to the part!" Claptrap moaned from outside.

Axton picked Gaige and went over to Moxxi "Sorry bout the stereo. I'll have Gaige fix it when she's sober."

Moxxie just waved her hand "Just get her out of here till either my headache goes or the ringing in my ears do."

Axton nods and takes the teenage genius outside the bar and puts her down "Okay, I think I'll take you back to the safe house where you can go lie down. Okay Gaige?"

Gaige pouted "Awe! But I wanted to do something fun!"

Axton rolled his eyes "Like what? Jump a runner over the Soaring Dragon?"

Gaige giggled "No, but that does sound cool. But" she then shocked Axton giving him a full kiss on the lips "I was thinking you."

Axtons mind reeled. Did she even know what she was saying? Maya would kill him twice if he...

Shaking his head, he threw Gaige over his shoulder, causing the girl to giggle again "I like where this is going."

"Shut. Up." Axton said through grit teeth, a blush heavy on his face.

-BL2-

The next morning, Axton awoke to the smell of coffee. Opening his eyes, he saw a sullen Gaige staring at a mug next to a coffee coffee pot.

"Morning princess, hang over got you down?" he asked, fixing himself some coffee as well.

"No, well yeah, but about last night." She started, but Axton raised a hand.

"No worries, I know you didn't mean it." he said calmly. Taking a slow sip of his coffee, he heard a hic and looked up to see tears welling in Gaiges eyes. "...Oh. You DID mean it didn't you?" he said, setting his mug down.

Gaige rubbed her eyes "Well, you're the youngest guy on pandora who's either got all his chromosomes or isn't a drunk or insane. You're so handsome, and tough and stuff, I just fell for you." she said, tears falling into the mug.

Axton sighed "Look, it's..." he sighed "It's not like I don't think you're cute."

Gaige blinked "You do?"

Axton nods "Yeah! Your strawberry hair up in pig tails, that little bandage on your cheek, and your eyes make you down right beautiful."

Gaige really seemed to brighten at this and Axton sighed again "But, young love rarely ever works. Me and my ex got hitched at eighteen, right out of high school and joined the army. As we grew older, we drifted apart, growing in different directions. I don't want you getting hurt princess, you understand?"

Gaige nods and looks at him "Yeah, but, just to get it out of my system, couldn't we have one date? Please?"

Axton stared at her and sighed "Fine. One date, but don't blame me if you end up hating my ass."

-BL2-

The rest of the day seemed to fly by as Gaige and Axton went on their date. The took a drive around Three Horns Divide, blasting any bullymong or bandit they crossed. After that they went to Frostburn Canyon to try out Gaiges new weapon 'The Nukem', needless to say, people died and the two were giggling the whole time. The evening wound down with them watching the sun set.

"Thanks for the day Axton, I know you probably don't care, but I really enjoyed it." Gage said with a sigh.

Axton looked over at her "Darlin, if I didn't care, I wouldn't have done this. I care about all you guys. You're the best friends I've ever had. 'Sides" he smirked "I was actually planing on taking you out on another date."

Gaige looked at him in shock "Really!?"

Axton sighed "Yeah. I don't know what it is, but somethings telling me to give this a chance. Sides, a ton of weirder shit's happened, am I right?"

He was answered by Gaige giving him a teary kiss on the lips. Axton smiled and hugged her close, kissing her back. He wasn't sure how others would react, but to him, this just felt right.

* * *

Okay, I'm currently typing this from a bunker in a safe, secret place. I have a feeling I'm going to take a huge deal of flack for this, but I think it's a cute pairing so there. Now, as soon as I'm certain I no longer have a price on my head, I'll leave. Till then, read and review.


End file.
